悠悠桃源 Isaiah 55:12 "For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands." ｛如欲轉載，請註明出處，thax｝

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5/12/09

 

I finally made it to the meeting with Swee this week. Swee was my disciple-maker. We both signed up at church for the discipleship making program. I hoped to know more about God's words, to seek God's will in this life, and, perhaps more importantly, to live out my faith in my shepherd. Swee came to the U.S. 13 years ago. She was from Singapore, and her husband was from Ireland. They had a teenage girl and a 6th grader boy.

 

Given the short period of time, we decided to discard the discipleship plan, but just hanging out and sharing each other's story. She was at the crossroad where her family's future would be. She was applying for jobs in Singapore, so was her husband looking for the opportunity of transferring. Uncertainty was in front of her. 

 

To some degree, I felt related to her situation. In a longer term, I did not settle the idea that I would stay in the U.S. or go back to Taiwan. In a shorter term, I had no idea when I would complete my degree. As these days freed out, I did not have much motivation to get up in the morning and get to work. Without knowing whether God planned me to be single throughout this life or not, I was uncertain whether I should keep looking.

 

“Do you still have that desire?” Sensing my pause, Swee continued, “Do you picture yourself with a family in the future?” Yes, I did; yes, I did! I pictured myself with my husband, with maybe two kids, maybe also a dog or cat, and maybe a garden too. But what if that was merely my fleshy desire? “If you have that desire, then don't close the door. Keep yourself open and available.” Swee probably knew how I felt. “I got married in my 31. Now I see if I had married the first guy I dated, that would be a disaster.” I made no reply. “Just like I am looking for a job, then I cannot just sit at home and do nothing. I have to start apply for jobs. Whether there is a job for me or not, it's up to God.” Yes! That was it! She pinpointed my blind spot!

 

“That is such a good idea! That's exactly what I should do.” I continued. “I have to admit that, when I feel very lonely, sometimes I even resist going out. I mean, what's the point? Yeah, I hang out with friends, meet new people, but when I go home, I am still by myself.” For some reason, her words really encouraged me. “If you close the door, then you’ll never know what God has prepared for you.” I smiled. “Even if knowing this man will not lead to a relationship further, still, there may be something that God wants to tell you or give you through this person you just met.” Indeed, God must be a fan of “Surprise!”

 

Swee shared an allegory from her friend. “Life is just like playing tennis. The present moment is the tennis ball. When the player fixes her eyes on the ball, she knows exactly what the next movement should be. Every now and then, she gets distracted by other things such as the audience, some voice, or whatever other than the ball, and then she misses the ball. The distraction, whatever it is, represents the past or the future. The trick to play the game well is to keep your eyes on the ball—the present moment.” I recalled Angela’s friend’s allegory; we always fancy meadows in other land greener than the current one on which we are standing or sitting; we are missing out that the meadow on which we are resting is actually the greenest. (I would add, and perhaps softer.)

 

All boiled down to one point. If we expected someone else to fix all our problems, we were doomed. If we longed for the future to get over the present, no perfect moments would ever exist. Husbands might let down their wives. Children might let down their parents. Friends might let down their friends. As the film “Fireproof” showed, when we first sought God’s will, everything else would fall into place.

 

“Enjoy the freedom. Make the most of the time. Make the most of every opportunity.” I told myself with the image in which the big I was tapping small I’s shoulders, followed by a warm hug. “Keep rolling. Keep your eyes on the ball.” As Jesus’ disciples said, “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has its own worries.” “Calm, my heart. Calm, my soul. Calm, my spirit.” With peace, off I went to bed. Night~