2008/3/9
Tess invited Teddy over for dinner. They went out once a long time ago. Though Tess made up some excuse, Teddy seemed to see her through. The dinner went well. After he left, she knew that she had done her part. It was over now.
Believing in making the most of every opportunity, Tess made the first move. It was simply one move. She did not expect too much. She knew that Teddy was not right for her. On the other hand, she was also aware of the fact that loneliness was eating her from inside.
“Maybe there is some chance.” She cast the question to herself. Yes, she thought that she was giving a chance not merely to Teddy, but also to her. “If you know he is not right for you, why waste the time?” asked her friend.
“Because, I have to try, even if I am wrong, I have to make sure that I have really tried. Plus, what if I am wrong? What if he is actually right? I need to know him better, so I can make the right decision.” She looked down on her knees, wringing her fingers. Her eyelids were almost closed. Something blocked her throat.
The dinner went well. “I really don’t think you owe me anything,” said Teddy, smiling. He continued, “I thought you just want to have dinner with me.” Tess told Teddy considering this a thank-you dinner for something that Teddy helped Tess out one year ago.
“Possibly…” Smiling back, said Tess. As a matter of fact, she did not have a true answer for that question. Perhaps, she did not want to know the truth either.
She was looking for a closure. That was all she sought. She wanted to be over with whatever opportunity she had at hand. After exhausting all the possibilities around her, she could rest her heart at the end of nonstop trying. She was actually very tired. “Everything vanished eventually,” she comforted herself. She wanted to stop mourning those past good times as well as cursing present bad times. Life consists of a series of facts, neither good nor bad, just facts.
Last night, the dinner was a closure. She felt tired on the next day. In the morning she lay in bed and listening to music, staring at the sky with blue canvas, white clouds, and golden sunshine. McLachlan’s voice came into her ears. “Heaven bent to take my hand, and lead me through the fire. Be the long awaited answer to a long and painful fight.” Yet, in the midst of the fight, she thought of giving it up several times. Even she did, so what? Tears streamed down her cheeks, and gravity brought them to the brown-skinned pillow. So quiet, but the morning was so full. She was very touched and hurt at the same time.
Sarah McLachlan - Fallen
Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I’ve tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear
Though I’ve tried, I’ve fallen...
[Chorus:]
I have sunk so low
I’ve messed up
Better I should know
So don’t come round here
And tell me I told you so...
We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
and the lonely light of morning
and the wound that would not heal
It’s the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.
[Chorus]
Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I’m lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarrassed
Pretend that they don’t see
But it’s one missed step
You’ll slip before you know it
And there doesn’t seem a way to be redeemed
Though I’ve tried, I’ve fallen...
[Chorus]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMuEw-9t9Xs&NR=1
