這篇文章是由我在San Diego的好友兼靈性夥伴Angela傳來的文章,Angela提到,這篇文章所教導的"如何做到徹底的自我照顧"是由我們共同的靈媒好友Nigel強力推薦 和大家分享 Love,Jade The Art of Extreme Self-Care
Transform Your Life One Month at a Time
An interview with Cheryl Richardson Cheryl Richardson is the author of The New York Times bestselling books, Take Time for Your Lif e, Life Makeovers, Stand Up for Your Life and The Unmistakable Touch of Grace . Cheryl was the team leader for the Lifestyle Makeover Series on the Oprah Winfrey Show and she accompanied Ms. Winfrey on the "Live Your Best Life" nationwide tour. Cheryl was co-executive producer and host of "The Life Makeover Project with Cheryl Richardson" on the Oxygen Network and as the co-executive producer and host of two Public Television Specials: "Stand Up for Your Life" and "Create an Abundant Life." Her new book is The Art of Extreme Self-Care (HayHouse, Jan. 2009). See Cheryl's coaching column in Body & Soul Magazine and her radio talk show "Coach on Call" on the Internet at www.hayhouseradio.com. | |
What is Extreme Self-Care?
Extreme Self-Care is about taking your care to a whole new level—a level that, to some, may seem arrogant and selfish, or practiced by people who have an inappropriate sense of entitlement. It means taking radical action to improve your life and engaging in daily habits that allow you to maintain this new standard of living. For example, it's not enough to take a weekend off from helping others so you can enjoy some downtime. It means scheduling time for yourself (on your calendar, in ink) every day .
Extreme Self-Care also involves surrounding yourself with people who are smart, self-aware, and only interested in two-way relationships. It means taking bold steps, such as eliminating clutter from your life, for good; creating a soul-nourishing work and home environment, and keeping it that way; getting your financial act together so that you always have choices about how to live your life; and not making any commitments whatsoever out of guilt or obligation.
In addition, Extreme Self-Care suggests that we make pleasure a priority—real pleasure, not just a massage every couple of months, an occasional bath, or a yearly vacation. It might mean leaving work in the middle of the day to get out into nature, enjoying a great massage once a week, and developing daily habits that make you feel happy and nurtured, including listening to the music you love, drinking your favorite tea, or ordering fresh flowers for your office.
While these ideas might seem farfetched or out of the realm of possibility for some, it's important to remember that it's a process that unfolds over time. The thing to remember is this: The possibility of living a great life starts with an open mind.
Aren't you just promoting selfishness?
Yes, that's exactly what I'm doing. The concept of making one's self-care a priority remains controversial to this very day. Over the years I've repeatedly had to defend this idea to the media as well as to clients and audience members. Now I welcome the opportunity, and here's why: the practice of Extreme Self-Care forces us to make choices and decisions that honor and reflect the true nature of our soul. While the whole notion of this might seem selfish or self-centered, doing so actually allows us to make our greatest contribution to the world.
From years of personal experience, as well as from the work I've done coaching many caring and hard working men and women, I've learned that when we care for ourselves, deeply and deliberately, we naturally begin to care more for others in a healthier and more effective way. To our families, our friends, and the planet, we become conscious and conscientious people who tell the truth. And we make choices from a place of love and compassion instead of guilt and obligation.
To that end, we begin to understand—on a visceral level—that we're all connected, and that our individual actions affect the greater whole in a more profound and consistent way than we ever imagined. A CEO who never gave much thought to recycling, for instance, finds that his own awakening to Extreme Self-Care leads him to not only take better care of himself and his family, but to also start a recycling plan at work. Or a mom who learns to make her own needs a priority (rather than always attending to her children first) develops a program to help mothers raise more confident and independent kids.
Enjoying a life of Extreme Self-Care means living and working in a soul-nurturing environment; developing a greater appreciation for, and connection with, nature; doing work that provides an opportunity to express your greatest gifts and talents; and caring for your emotional, physical, and spiritual health in a way that's aligned with who you are and what you most need. When you allow yourself to want this and then have it, you can't help but want it for others as well.
What one thing can people do right away to practice Extreme Self- Care?
The most important thing a person can do to begin making changes that honor their Extreme Self-Care is to get support. By sharing this unfolding journey with someone who is equally committed to their own self-care, we put accountability in place and we give ourselves the gift of someone to lean on when we're tempted to fall back into old, outdated patterns of behavior. That's why we created a section on our website called: Life Makeover Groups at "cherylrichardson.com." We have over 4,000 groups around the world"– a free community – for people who are serious about getting their lives in shape and want to share that journey – in person – with others. Support and community are the secret weapons used against the enemies of apathy and numbness.
What's an Absolute No List?
Ever since the publication of my first book, Take Time for Your Life, I've often been referred to as an expert in work/life balance—a life coach who helps people find some sanity in their busy lives. As a result, people who feel overworked, overburdened, or under pressure ask me to share time-management secrets, or strategies for being better organized, so they can get a handle on their chaotic schedules. My response is always the same: "You can't make sanity out of an insane situation."
One of the most immediate ways to feel the effects of Extreme Self-Care is to become very discriminating about how you spend your precious time and energy, so I offered an exercise in my first book, Take Time for Your Life, called "the Absolute Yes list" that became quite popular with readers. It asked them to think carefully about their top priorities: things like their emotional, physical, or spiritual health; their children and other significant relationships; community service; work-related projects; and so forth.
Once readers had identified the things that most needed their immediate attention, I asked them to choose their top-seven priorities—those things they would devote their time and attention to over a three- to six-month period. Once they narrowed the list down to seven, I then had them write these priorities on a 3" x 5" index card that they could keep in view. By referring to their Absolute Yes list, readers would ensure that their precious time and energy would first and foremost be devoted to the things that mattered most.
After Take Time for Your Life was published, I found that the Absolute Yes list inspired many people, including myself, to begin using this exercise in another way—by asking the question, "Is this an absolute yes?" when making decisions. Over time it became a litmus test I used when making all kinds of choices: whether or not to accept a speaking engagement or hire a new employee, or even in choosing a restaurant to visit. If it wasn't an absolute yes, then it was a no.
The list's next evolution is the "Absolute No" list. Yes, knowing what's an absolute yes is important—but so is knowing what's an absolute no. When we practice Extreme Self-Care, we gradually raise our standards for what we will and will not tolerate in our lives. As a result, we find that there are certain things we used to do that no longer honor the level of self-care we now need to be our best. The Absolute No list challenges readers to put these items in writing so they remember what they will and will not do.
Why do we need to master the art of disappointing people?
Because you can't live a life based on your most treasured priorities and values without being able to disappoint people, hurt their feelings, or be with their anger when you stop being an automatic yes machine.
Most of us don't like to hurt or disappoint our fellow men and women. It's an uncomfortable thing to do. Some common reasons for this are:
•We don't want to feel guilty.
•We don't want to disappoint others because we know how bad it feels.
•We don't have the language to let someone down with grace and love.
•Our fear of conflict and desire to keep the peace keeps us from telling the truth.
•We want people to like us and are uncomfortable when they don't.
One of the harsh realities about practicing Extreme Self-Care is that you must learn to manage the anxiety that arises when other people are disappointed, angry, or hurt. And they will be. When you decide to break your pattern of self-sacrifice and deprivation, you'll need to start saying no, setting limits, and putting boundaries in place to protect your time, energy, and emotional needs. This poses a difficult challenge for any sensitive, caring person. Why? Because you will, for instance, disappoint a friend when you decide not to baby-sit her kids. Or you'll probably hurt your son's feelings when you tell him that he has to walk to his friend's house instead of always being chauffeured. Or you might anger your partner when you ask him to wash his own clothes. Because you'll be changing the rules of the game, certain individuals won't like it. But remember, if you want to live a meaningful life that also makes a difference in the lives of others, you need to make a difference in your own life first. That way your motivation is pure and without regret.
What effect does our work and home environment have on our personal health?
The power of being in a space that feels fully aligned with our soul is sorely underrated. In all my years of coaching (and in my own life), I've seen few ways to practice Extreme Self-Care that have a more dramatic, immediate effect on our quality of life than this one idea. I'm not just talking about clearing clutter or getting organized, although these are a huge part of the formula; I'm talking about recognizing the impact your home or office has on your emotional and physical health, your energy levels, your self-esteem, your relationship to yourself and others, and your spiritual well-being. It's called "creating a soul-nourishing environment," and I've seen this vital concept—the transformation of a person's home or office—literally transform his or her life.
A soul-loving environment is a home or office free from clutter and disorganization—a space filled with elements that allow us to be and act our best. When we live or work in a place that's filled with too much stuff or devoid of beauty, it drains our energy. We end up feeling depressed, exhausted, and unmotivated. We don't function well, and this can ultimately end up affecting other areas of our lives. I've worked with many people, for example, who feel as if they're drowning in clutter and, over time, end up isolated because they're too embarrassed to share their home with others. Or I've watched business owners struggle to bring in new clients while working in an outdated office that looks (and feels) like a black hole—not the best environment for courting new business.
Like a weed that wiggles its way through concrete to find the light, we adapt to our environment. If we tolerate a home that doesn't feel like us, chances are we'll tolerate a relationship that doesn't feel quite right either, or we'll stay working at a job that's just "okay." While the idea may seem a bit strange, experience has taught me that how we live "in here" at home translates into how we live "out there" in the world.
What advice do you have for women who feel compelled to always be in charge whether at work or at home?
Learn to ask for and receive help. If there's one thing I've struggled with the most over the years as I've worked hard to become a more conscious woman, it's asking for and receiving help. Like so many women, my natural default is to want to be in charge by doing things myself. And over time, this "I'll do it myself" mentality has turned into "Hi, I'm General Manager of the Universe, and you need to do this my way and in my time to keep me happy." What follows from there isn't pretty. Eventually I proudly wear the cloak of martyr, and everyone pays the price. I get bitchy and resentful, and I end up feeling painfully alone.
There are plenty of reasons why we don't ask for help. First and foremost, those of us who like to be the boss have typically been in that role for a very long time. As a result, it doesn't even occur to us to ask. Second, there are the perceived costs. When I talk to people about why they don't ask for help, I hear things such as:
•"I don't want to appear weak."
•"It takes too much energy to explain."
•"I hate being disappointed when people don't follow through."
•"It's too much of a hassle to fight with family members who resist helping out."
•"I don't want to hear no."
•"When I'm at work, I know I can do it faster, cheaper, and better; so I don't want to waste time and money."
•"In my family, we were taught to be self-sufficient. "
If you look closely, you'll see that what all of these examples have in common is, in fact, control—the desire to avoid conflict or disappointment, or the attempt to manage the perceptions of others by not appearing weak. And then there's the idea that doing everything on your own makes you less indebted to others.
When you let go of control and allow others to take the wheel, you empower them. You teach them to trust themselves, to become resourceful, and to take greater responsibility for the quality of their own lives. You can practice letting go in simple ways, such as by permitting your child to choose his or her own clothes for school; allowing a friend to navigate directions without butting in; or sharing household responsibilities with a teenager, like doing the laundry or cooking meals. You might even consider more challenging steps, such as turning over the handling of the finances to your partner for a while, or insisting that a sibling contribute to the care of an elderly parent.
Allowing others to help means learning to surrender to the reality that there will be mistakes made and that things will not always get done your way. That's how people learn and grow. After all, think about how you came to handle what you do so well now. Chances are you made plenty of mistakes along the way and had to find your own path, too. If you're used to being in charge, you'll need to keep letting go of the wheel when you're tempted to take back control, especially when the situation's not going according to your plans. Let others drive for a while—even though they may take a different road.
What do sex and a housekeeper have in common?
I've met many women who feel overburdened and short on support, and they tell me that sex becomes just another item on an already long to-do list. They feel driven to check off items on this list so that they can relax. And, when they finally do feel ready to relax, sleep is a far more appealing option.
When you feel pressed for time, overwhelmed with responsibilities, and alone with your misery, you repeatedly engage the body's "fight or flight" system, which raises your cortisol levels. This "alert mode" causes you to worry, to ruminate about what needs to get done, and to live in a chronic state of anxiety. Can you imagine enjoying the pleasure of lovemaking when your body is screaming, "Hurry up! I've got lots to do before I can stop worrying about today and start thinking about tomorrow!"? Of course not. You're ready for action, all right, but not the kind that welcomes intimacy.
Yet the intimacy that comes from a strong, healthy relationship is an important part of Extreme Self-Care. We all need physical closeness to feel deeply connected to our partners. So if a lack of sex or physical affection is an issue in your relationship, one of the first things you want to do is delegate the less important tasks of life and allow your body to relax. Hire someone else to clean your house or do the grocery shopping. I always tell my clients who feel starved for affection that if you want a woman to move closer, take something off her plate. As one good friend said, "When my husband vacuums the house, it's as good as foreplay."
What is an Extreme Self Care first aid kit and when would someone use it?
We will all face major life challenges at one point or another and those are the times when we'll need Extreme Self-Care the most. People you love may die. Jobs could be lost. Geographical moves might be forced upon you by a partner's career change. An unexpected medical diagnosis may throw your world into a tailspin. That's just the way life works here on planet Earth. These are the times when we need an Extreme Self-Care First-Aid Kit—when we're feeling scared, unsteady, and desperate to find a way back to center.
It is a well-prepared plan of action put in place before you need to use it. It consists of ten things you can do on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level that will give you comfort, connection, and a feeling of steadiness while navigating the rough waters of a crisis. When faced with a difficult period, what matters most is that you return to the behaviors and practices that reflect Extreme Self-Care as quickly as possible, so you can restore yourself to sanity and strength. That way, you'll bring your best, most resourceful self to the challenge at hand.
文章定位：
