MY GIARY Can you take me to the moon? or Just hand me a platter of dainty food.

27愛的鼓勵 0訂閱站台

I sat on the edge of my bed. My hands were trembling. I inhaled with great exertion to calm my stressed nerves. It's 30sec. to midnight, and I was waiting. All alone.

Finally, the door were open. A dark shadow was leaning on the doorframe and said :

"It's been forever, dude, from last time i saw you."  It sighed "This time, we're gonna stick together for a little while." Finished with a giggle sound.

My icy perspiration was all over my body that sweated my pajamas. It felt so familiar. My throat was like being burn. I could only speak in a feeble voice.

"Long time no see, Lonliness."

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"You did the right thing, honey. He's such a jerk and it won't work out even you're still together." I was rewinding what my friend just said to me earlier in the caf'e. Yeah! I do know I did the right decision about me and Mr.S. We have different living styles, absolutely oppisite values. And, our definitions of "ROMANTIC" was totoally not on the same planet. Though we were so in love, so crazy about each other. I can't imagine why couldn't I feel just a little bit enthusiam from him 6 months ago? And when I rewinded all the details all over my head every single day then I got a epiphany : 

"He was totoally crazy about me."

There were so many hints, so many expression from his pitty doggy face, the begging eyes and the not willing to let go embraces. Furthermore I was the one who being icy, cloesed and Mr. I don't want to talk about the R word.

Yeah, I know, I know, he cheated. But I never said I don't want him to have sex with others. At least, not to his face. I just whined to my friends and never told him. And actually he never denied he had sex with others. And "open realationship" is very normal in gay comunity. 

So, we got the conclusion : the "CHEAT" is not really cheating

Okay, we might not have that many things in common. But, at least, we can hold each others' hands telling  each other "how much we hate each other" on our bed together and feeling next to each other. Is that the irrefutable evidence of we're definitely in love with each other?

After all this, I screwed up, still. The substitude of his shoulder on my bed is the god damn warmless blanket. I do know I made the right decision of leaving him,

But, all I have now is nothing but lonliness.

Can we just love whom we love, and get rid of anything else?