從來都不會相信永久的愛. 也許是從小的環境, 讓我跟異性相處, 總是缺乏安全感..
昨天好憤怒, 想到前天工作一天, 他一通電話也沒打給我, 只因為前一晚我手機借他, 也不能用這原因而不打給我吧?! 心裡越想越氣, 大概也因為PMS, 就對著他電話裡披頭大罵, "Why didn't you call me yesterday? If you really care, you can call the hospital and connect to my unit. Why didn't you even make the attempt? You laugh at my English. The more I practice my English, the less confidence I have! God damn it! You are a selfish person?"
"Oh, yeah?! You are always right? I was not laughing at your English, I think it's cute. The reason I didn't call you because I don't know your work number," he replied. I didn't listen, coz I was about to explode. I feel hurt, and I am afraid that he does not care about me anymore. "You didn't call me whole day. Everytime I asked you for the 花花, and you always tell me to go pick the flowers on the road. Today you are able to give the flowers to Wendy and Millie just because it's their birthday?! I don't even have flowers on my b-day. I thought I will at least receive it on Valentine's day. I have to beg you everytime for the flowers!" "That was only $3.88! You can look at the receipt. Do you really want cheap flowers? I just thought that I can give you other stuff other than flowers because you said you want something else."
That makes me more mad. My jealousy overwhelmed me. "I am your gf, and I don't even deserve a flower." "Yeah! And you are always right! Huh! I am always the one that got blamed for." I was so mad that I have the sensation of killing him. I hung up. 我感覺到我的毛髮直豎, 從髮根蔓延到頸椎...是一種可怕的感覺.
抓了他復活節送我的bunny, 多少也因為是免費的關係, 拿著刀子不斷的捅他..直到內棉破烈, "為什麼要頂嘴?!" 我佔有慾讓我失去了理智, 戳破了兔子耳朵, 我, 認不出自己, 只覺得自己瘋了, 一種憤怒無法釋放...棉兔子被我毀了, 想想跟你在一起快一年, 相對的也浪費了一年的時光給你, 是多不值啊! 抓了10顆安眠葉, 想都不想就往肚裡吞, 我瘋了...
睡吧..就讓自己別起來, 也不知道是不是想讓他後悔, 所以是種報復...
"Bang! Bang! Bang!" "該死的, 不想活的來了..要不要開門?" 我想..
誰怕誰? 花花誰稀罕? 抓了一個他以前送的花 (已乾燥了), 開了門, 就往外丟!
"砰!" 碎了...接著第二盆...又碎了..我瘋了..心理的憤怒無法止息..
他抓著我,試圖要讓我停止, 我抓他 捏他..狠狠的...咬了他...
他跪著..只不斷的hold住我要我靜下來..我心受傷, 怎能就這樣輕易放了他...不斷掐他..肚子 手..手臂..心狠的我一點手都不留後路..
一直抓也不知怎麼睡著的, 也許是安眠藥發作吧..
醒了...看著他也倒在沙發上...也累了吧?
昏昏沉沉的上了廁所, 繼續睡..偷偷看到他開了我房門...然後走了..
偷瞄他離開的身影, 我坐了起來, 發現床頭一罐水, 一個維他命與兩顆鈣片....心裡戚戚焉...
連忙打了給他..但我的驕傲遲遲說不出話.."你在哪?""我不知道...開車到處走"..
"你要不要回來?回來嗎?"..............
他...回來了...不知道下了多重的手..他一點都不還手..也不阻止我傷害他...他是多無辜的... 兩人的背景不同, 真的很難...
He feels that I have a lot of anger and hurt in me. He sees me...
他用棉被蓋著我, 怕我冷...一個大男人..跪在沙發旁餵我吃飯...喝湯..."我再也不會亂東西, 亂打人了...再也不會了....我也不會再罵你是笨蛋了...對不起...對不起...."抱著他..哭著....我喃喃自語...
而他...到我入眠後, 才拖著疲累的身軀與傷痕回家...
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