2/25/09
She didn't like staying home all day long. She opened her eyes around 7-ish; according to the brightness outside her window. Instead of getting up, she turned around and covered her face with her comforter. 9:30. 10am. Finally giving in, she approached her computer and checked emails, and then changed her clothese. “Coffee place,” she wanted to go to some coffee place to do the work, or simply to start the day.
James gave her a coffee maker last time they met. She went over James' place with other two friends to help him packing. After Troy's repeated reminder, James generously offered the coffee maker. Unfortunately, for some reason, the temperature of the coffee was somewhat low, which made the coffee taste bad, sour and bitter. She never enjoyed sour taste in her coffee, though bitterness occasionally brought out something special in the coffee. Or, it was just an excuse for her to go out, to hang around some coffee place, rather than her bachelorette.
Gorgeous weather. Her injured knee would not allow her hiking anyway. She injured her right knee from playing badminton. Far from being an expert in badminton, she had a lot of room for improvement. “It was just games. I came here not to win, but to exercise,” she thought. Waiting was not fun, most of the time. She would go to the badminton courts early, merely to avoid the crowds rushing in and taking over the courts. Usually, after one and half hours, she would be pretty much beaten up already and felt great for leaving the courts. All the sweating, panting, running back and forth, swinging her arms and twisting her wrist refreshed her. Winning or losing games was not any of her concern. “I came to play badminton, not to let pride or shame or embarrasement take over my mind,” just as her living philosophy, “Focus on what I want.”
Distractions happened. Things happened. Life happened. Desires and emotions happened. Ups and downs happened. Indulgence happened. “Go with the flow,” Fish told her so. Fish was her fifth sister. They were close. It took her three years to get over the facts that she had to miss Fish's engagement, wedding, and delivering the bady. Time and space was not always her friend. Every now and then, time became her enemy, and space became her fear.
At the coffee place nearby her house, she was waking up, or at least her spirit, if not her soul. Caffeine was kicking in her nerve system. Customers came and went.People read newspapers, jotting notes, having snacks. Now she remembered she needed to have her car checked, just routine. “How limited human power is ...” a voice in her mind. She planned on working on a task that day, as the morning slipped away, she had not been able to stat the work yet. “It is in the sheer darkness that you are drawn to the light,” once her pastor said so.
She knew what would make her happy. It was not coffee; it was not more sleep; it was not eating. It was to finish the task that she planned—to demonstrate that she had not lose the power of self-control yet. Her weakness, however, fought back. Solution? The only solution for her was to ask help from God. Busy schedule distracted her from what she believed in. At the same time, busy schedule drew her closer to her God. Why? For she realized that there was so little she could do, and there were so many things out of her hands. One of her favorite band, “Sanctus Real” sang, “Whatever you are doing inside of me, it feels like chaos, but I believe ... you are up to something, bigger than me, larger than life, something heavenly.”
Yes, ultimately, it was hope, it was faith, it was love that made her move forward. Life was full of crappy things. There were also surprises lurking in the way. Friends came. Love flowed through her. That was when she felt alive. At this moment, she was completely awaken and off to her task of the day. May peace and grace from her God guard her heart and mind. God bless.
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