OH MY GOD !!! i would never have guessed - though i didn't know that he only held your hand all this time. I assumed that by now you would have started sleeping with him so it becomes all clear....oh dear A, i am soooo sorry that you have been deceived in this way. Of course, if you talk to many foreigners (such as the French!) they will be the first to say that so many of the British men are repressed homesexuals. I think actually, many, many men, no matter what nationality, have certain gay tendencies and some go on to live these out, others become used to having a girlfriend and find that she will make him just as happy as a man, plus he can have a family with her, even if deep down he still has some feelings for men. I think the only way to get over this is for you to continue to support him in the proper role as a friend and nothing more. Try to calm your feelings of anger through knowing that he must be going through even more hell than you are. I would imagine that he really REALLY likes you Ariel, and has probably seen in you a hope for him to change himself, to become heterosexual. Sadly, he has not been able to do this - as you know by his phone messages and i would guess that the fact that he likes you so much, but is unable to physically and mentally FALL IN LOVE with you with all his spirit, is greatly upsetting and distressing to him. It does not sound likely that he has set out from the start to deceive you - far more likely, that he hoped something would come of it - and then found that it was not possible for him. Now he feels too frightened to mention anything to you because he is scared he will lose you. Perhaps he hopes you will come to know of it by yourself so he doesnt have to tell you - in which case i would put him out of his misery as soon as possible. It will be a great relief to him and you to have a dinner together and discuss everything out in the open. Its going to be hard for him - for you, yes, very hard too. And disappointing. But at the end of the day you KNOW your sexual preference which is the very CORE of our identity. He, however, does not - if he did, then he would not have behaved this way, i am certain of it. So, in the knowledge that despite his great career, good salary, outgoing personality, you are actually the stronger person. And if you are able to forgive him (and dont feel bad if you can't becuase it is also totally understandable) then use your strength to help him and be his "confidente" - you are obviously someone he trusts anyway.
Oh dear, dear A - i am sorry that this has happened. You know what - you could also mention it to Mob - he might well be able to give you some words of support and advice. You are such a lovely, sweet, pretty and gifted person. Don't for one moment doubt your ability to find someone. You will find a lovely husband one day but in the meantime all these experiences are sure to be adding to your strength and as the british say "character building". You may find that in the end the whole experience with Rwas very rewarding - even if you must feel very upset now.
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