今天一整天參加了一個workshop
有點點無聊 不過到最後看東西的時候還滿好玩的
最有趣的是見了兩個我的網友
他們都自己跑來認我
很有意思
下午當拿東西給cole看時
我用他的語言跟他溝通
雖然已經笑到臉很僵硬
但還好的是講的還不賴
現在講英文已經可以想講什麼就講什麼了
不會怕了 相信我到美國找mob時
也可以漸漸的流利的表達自己想講的話
了吧
再看完東西後 有一個男的還跑來找我說
他有買我的東西 沒想到我本人這麼漂亮 呵呵
即使是恭維的話 聽起來也滿高興的
開始覺得自己射手的隱性已漸漸顯現出來
不怕與人交談 愈來愈大方 愈來愈有自信 喜歡現在的自己
晚上 與法國回來的妹妹一起去喝咖啡
與他也滿合的 聊一聊也愈來愈熟
一直聊到9點半多
在之中 陸陸續續的與ref傳訊息
今天 對ref已經徹底的死心
對於到今天晚上還是無法見到面
已經不想再多說什麼
也不想在期待什麼了
對他的失望 已經累積到極限
5點多時 他寫來說 他的客戶馬上就要走了 他去看看他要不要去機場送他
he night leave soon.call you if i don't need to take him to airport.sorry dear.
我跟他說 我也剛剛結束 現在正在咖啡店
等到了8點多時 他寫說
i am going to meet the beijing guy with my friend now,sorry cant be with you.i purpose you could have come bit it is all guys and worried you be bored.
看到他突然說不能來
心情down到了極點
i wrote. I thought he will leave soon.
he wrote,
yes go to collect him.have a drink and go to airposrt.where are you.
i wrote,in the coffee shop,it's ok you are so busy. i guess we just have to meet after auguest.
he wrote,
I will really miss you even though you might not believe it.can I go have lunch with you one day next week before you go?
your bracelet not fixed but got other
...other thing for you to make up for being so busy.I am sorry.
I wrote.
I totally understand your situation,I know you have to take care of him.I don't want to blame you.but I'm still really upset about this.
He wrote,
I think i had better call you later.you sound as if i was confirmed to see you and then cancelled.i don't remember that.lets speal and not get upset ok?
I wrote.
I'm reaslly disappoint you would sa that.it's not about a promise, it's about the feeling.
我不敢相信他是這麼自我中心的人
完全無法了解我到底在想什麼
無法知道我在氣他
過了不久之後 他打電話來了
我叫他打家的電話
一接起來 我問他是不是到了家
他說他剛到 問我在哪裡
我說我剛到家 從coffee shop回來
之後就是一陣沉默
我說 你為什麼不講話
他說i don't know,i don't understand your message,it's about feeling.
i said, yes, it's not about the promise, it doesn't matter if you promise or not, I got disappoint already, becaue I thought we will meet today, but when you told me we can't meet, I got upset already, doesn't matter if you promise or not.
我跟他說 and you said you will call me on friday,他說我有打阿
我說i'm talking about friday.
i said you said you will call me but you didn't call me until next day I wrote you the message.
i don't really want to push u to do anything,but if you do care,you won't just said you are busy. i don't believe you want have just a minute to write me a message.
he said, it's not just a minute, if i write message,then it's go on and on.
i said, no, if you do care, you can just write me something and let me know you are busy then i won't write you back, i can feel that.
他被我一講 有點領悟也有一點被我堵住的說ok,i know next time.
我又跟他說 自從我們開始一起出去
已經有兩個多月了
但是我們現在的情形還只是像這樣
it isn't right.
if two people want to be together, want to build up the relationship with each other, in the period,expecially before they be together, they must be very aggrassive, it won't like this.
so i guess maybe you just ask me when you loney or somehing.i don't know.
他說no, i never be lonely,
i said, then i don't know what you really think in mind.
but everytime when i told my friend about us, they felt it's so wierd too,
他說 我們可不可以見面再說
他說他不想在電話裡講
我說為什麼不能在電話裡講
他說因為會講不清楚 見面講比較好
我說好 我也不想在電話裡講
他說他不是avoiding to talk this in the phone, he just think is better to talk when we meet,
he said he will tell me what is he worry about.
我說那我們什麼時候見面
他說他來找我吃飯
星期二比較好
我說好吧
最後就這樣在見了
don't think too much,and sleep well.
我想 我已經把我想講的都講完了
後天就等著聽他解釋吧
我想 他的確有一些話在心理
我想 應該不會是太好的話
心理很複雜
不想這麼快的放棄他
但卻不知道我們兩個會走到什麼程度
也許 星期二講完 就說掰掰
我想 星期二中午到樣去跟他談
也不想吃什麼飯了
去佔那個大沙發 坐在那樣的地方談
會比較自在吧 比面對面來的容易
想到還要等到禮拜二才能談
埃 真的沒誠意
他就是要人家對他不好才喜歡的人吧
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