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艾茵˙蘭德《阿特拉斯聳聳肩》｜感覺自身存在的方式就是創造慾望

 

作者：艾茵．蘭德 Ayn Rand
原書名：Atlas Shrugged
出版社：太陽社
出版日期：2009年07月05日
ISBN：9789868538801
直到翻看到最後一頁最後一字，我才真正意識、認知封面書名之下那一行字──【第一部試讀稿】，因為故事還沒有結束，內心諸多疑團還沒獲得釐清。

如果你的邏輯能力不強，那麼閱讀這本書會教你頻皺眉頭；如果你的主觀意識過於薄弱，那麼閱讀這本書將會全面傾毀你固有的既定思維，不由自主被文中種種論調牽著鼻子走。

你感覺痛苦，因為無法詆毀它所言的真實；那麼痛卻還想要承受更多，因為它逼視你面對，教你無法持續生活在假象之中，所以不如脖子一伸，圖個一刀斃命，來得痛快。

然而，刀已落，頭未斷，一條命依舊苟延殘喘，我……需要第二部、第三部。

這是掩卷之後湧現心中的初始感受。

Ayn Rand1

◎ 快樂是一個人的燃料；自己是幸福的動力

但這本精彩鉅作涵蓋多層面向，豐富得教人啞口。

首先是關於火車發展的演進史如何綿織夢想，以及和油田、煤礦攸息相關的生命共同體。

達格妮九歲時就已經下定決心，要接管家族企業塔格特泛陸運輸公司。她沒有試圖去理解自己喜歡鐵路的原因。儘管在當時，女人的職志從來只是相夫教子，也因此她承受的壓力更加龐大。

她清楚知道，她的工作就是她想要和所有的一切。在某個作品或宏偉的景觀面前，做一個被動的旁觀者。不是去獲得，而是去接受；不是去開始，而是去應對；不是去創造，而是去讚美。快樂是一個人的燃料。她自己是幸福的動力。

直到她遇見另一個同樣對工作懷抱相同情懷的男子，她才真正感受到幸福除了可以自生也能給予和接受。

那人是里爾登。他獨排眾議堅持研發合金，整整十年，遭逢無以計數的失敗、聽見綿延不斷的「不可能」，但都沒能教他喪志、打退堂鼓。直到他終於研發成功並且接獲第一筆鐵軌訂單，順利看見金屬溶液被注入成型模具。

工作完成了，他想。這個瞬間，他心裡並沒有百味雜陳，只剩下「安寧和莊重」，那是一種情緒的總和，無須再細究每一細微末節，過去的記憶不過是一種毫無用處的耽溺。

他應該快樂卻感覺孤獨──家人指責他眼下心上只有工作，認為那是他逃避什麽的緣故，卻從來未曾想過，工作之於他從來只有愛與熱情，那是生命的本質，怎會和逃避劃上等號？直到遇見達格妮，終於他不再孤獨，然而那違背他的良知、道德。

Ayn Rand2

◎ 無關乎愛、價值、忠誠和尊重，只是需要

因為在他還沒認識她之前，他已然對她有了身體的慾望。感覺自己如獸，蔑視自己，然而終於還是難以抗衡地妥協，甚至宣告，為了擁有她，他可以放棄礦山、合金和自己畢生的成就，是墮落但全盤接受且想盡辦法沉淪。

這無關乎愛、價值、忠誠和尊重，只是需要。

只是他沒料想到，達格妮竟也做如是想。

她說，她想要他。那慾念是動物的本能。當她看見他在火車箱裡傲視一切的模樣，她就沒法無動於衷。她不需要他的心、意志、他這個人甚至他的靈魂，只要他帶著原始的慾望來找她。除了被他唾棄的快感之外，其餘她都不要。之於他的墮落，卻是她的驕傲，她會對外大聲宣稱，自己和他睡過，因為那是她賺來的。

可以理解兩人的糾葛？關於愛、慾。我們高唱愛的清高、鄙視慾的粗鄙，然而難道愛不可能單純只是慾的化身，對那人的慾求不是肢體的曼妙、不是追求快感，而是力量的追索，那種對生命激情的燃燒，需要那樣的渴望、需要肌膚緊緊交纏才得以感覺饜足、圓滿？

那是一種感覺自身存在的方式，也許得不到世俗的什麽（一個單身、一個已婚）但他們知道必須要創造出自己的慾望。

Atlas Shrugged2

◎ 金錢財富和權力，只是附加價值

透過作者的描述，你可以從中看到火車奔馳原野的英姿、那因為軌道材質不同而展現的輕裝便捷的姿態，行進的速度加快，彷彿就要騰空飛起……

你可以看見當夢想得以成真，那鼓動的雀躍、欣喜如何排山倒海而來，彷彿已經握有擘畫世界的鑰匙和力量、未來可以隨心所欲，只要你願意。

因此你再不能回頭，你跨出第一步，就必須跟上第二步，然而那是如此自然，你甚至迫不期待，你渴望可以走得更長更遠。

餘下的，只有如何走得更長更遠、如何解決每一個橫梗在前的阻礙。

這其中當然牽涉金錢財富和權力，只是它們是附加價值而不是奮鬥的動力。

一如我們經常聽見想要創造歷史、讓自己、家、社會、國家甚至世界變得更好。但真正能夠付諸行動的又有多少？又是什麽促使人想要「好」並且「更好」。

牧師曾對書中人物說道，我們必須一直追求我們所擁有最好的東西。

為什麽？而怎樣才能算得上好？

而更重要的是，作者透過故事言說關於自由經濟的觀點、關於利己和造福大眾一念之間的差距、少數人如何打著道德公益的旗幟，為自身利益操縱政治、法律，甚至還教受害者開始質疑自己的信念！

教我讀得瞠目結舌、義憤填膺。

Atlas Shrugged

◎ 是無恥還是無知？

我想起前段時間，有人大言不慚地指責我，不要總以為自己是對。我並沒有反擊，當然免不了憤怒，但不想浪費生命在無謂的事情上。

除此之外，弔詭之處在於，因為當他如是宣稱，就已經自以為自己是對的，不是嗎？

一如書中角色之一，當他年少，被問及，長大後要做什麼時，他脫口道，只要是對的。只是及長，他發現，做的事就應該是對的，然而卻往往出現迥異的狀態。

這就是答案？一如有人告訴他，這就是問題的所在，沒有絕對的是非對錯，事情從來不是非黑即白般分明對立。

我們都清楚這是真相，只是當有人可以顛非倒是、並且還訴諸道德、公義，你忍不住質疑，那究竟是無恥還是無知？

我喜歡這本書的顛覆和重建，關於人生觀、作人處事，關於生命的種種疑問甚至作為，有些論點的確早已耳熟能詳，但你必須注意，這本書寫就於一九五七年，因此當時所引發的震撼，也許更甚於原子炸彈。

迄今我仍能感受等同威力。

故事緊湊，論調發人深思卻不流於說教，讓人想以更嚴肅的觀點對照自己所有，無論是物質還是精神層面。

除此之外，也為我們揭開世界、生命的另一層面紗，以諸多複雜的角色的人生態度、以環環相扣的故事脈絡，一氣呵成，教人無法罷手。


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