就是愛張 抒發我愛張的心情

11愛的鼓勵 0訂閱站台

I texted him this morning  when driving back home from his place.
I said, I finally realize you are not serious about me, please don't call me anymore.
This morning, I erased my Chinese name, my Chinese name in English, and my English name from his board.
He was like, why are you erasing your name?
I said, so you can put new names on.
He didn't realize what I meant, didn't know I was serious. He did not pursue.
Then he looked at the board and complained, then I don't know how to spell your name in Chinese.
I said, it's ok. You don't have to know.
I was sad, so I was pretty quiet. He asked me if I was ok then my tear started to fall down.
Then he came to me and let me cry on his chest, " What's wrong?" He asked, " Why are you sad?"
"Because I have to get up so early" I wept.
I wept because I decided not to see him again, because I saw him asked other girl out on chat.
I wept all the way back home, 1 hour of driving.

I was sad, but not heart broken sad.
I really like hanging out with him. Maybe it's just novelty, because I've never had a white bf. Maybe I just like him because he doesnt care about me too much. I dono, but I enjoyed hanging out with him.
I knew he's not crazy about me, I knew he doesn't want to be tied down and commitment.
I still kept going out with him.
I wasn't sure if I want to be tied down and be commited to a person, either.  I do care about him though. Do feel jealous if he talks to other girls. I tried to be cool, but I'm not cool afterall.
I like the space between us; I feel free and independent, but at the same time I feel the distance and the disconnection between us.
I'm not sure what do I want from him, but I am sure not this whole insecurity issue.
Am not mad at him, because we never promised each other anything, and I am seeing someone else, too. I am actually considering breaking up with him because the other person is way nicer to me than him.

" I'd really like to talk about this with you" " I don't want to stop calling you any more"
He texted back.
I don't know what to talk about. This whole thing? I don't want him to promise me anything, don't wan2 get into next level because I'm not sure yet, but I don't wan2 tell him I checked his phone.
What to talked about?