BOOK III: THE RETURN OF THE DURIAN KING
EPISODE VIIII: THE BATTLE OF JALAN BESERAH
(War!!! Or is it what it is supposed to be???)
“U bitch!!!” Velma, Vincent, Vivian n V-Yawn rushed to Jassylin for the final duel. Jassylin was simply too powerful. None could compete her sword skills. Jassylin: “I’ll kill u first, Velma, for speaking so much!”
Her blade went for Velma’s heart, but Vincent struck her ass. She turned around n kicked Vincent away. Vivian held her leg tight n bit it with all her teeth. V-Yawn: “Find me a piano!”
Jassylin chased for Velma around the palace as Vincent n Vivian tried to distract her. But she was simply a bitch, a big black bitch who’s so stubborn. Vivian saw a signboard saying ‘Piano’, n she shouted: “V-Yawn, go left! Quickly!”
V-Yawn rushed for the piano as Jassylin slashed Velma’s left foot. He fell down in pain. Vivian: “Her bra!” She n Vincent immediately shoved their hands into Jassylin’s body, but they found no bra! Jassylin laughed: “Of course I wear non, or else Xu Kee would had known me as a lady, silly dudes!” She kicked them off n they crashed off the wall.
Jassylin laughed at Velma: “U son of a bitch! Finally, here comes ur ending n I hope u’ll enjoy the sex party in the 18th floor of hell! So long, darling…”
Suddenly, a hauntingly beautiful song was played from the piano. Jassylin was dumbstruck. She thought it was really good. She went to the piano room to listen.
There, V-Yawn played the piano with all the music powers he had. Jassylin was confused n she started dancing wildly with the rhythm. She wanted to stopped herself, but she simply couldn’t. V-Yawn’s song seemed to last forever. Suddenly, she spilled out blood from her ears! She was shocked, but she couldn’t stop. Then there were blood on her nose n mouth. Her fingernails were bleeding. Then from her eyelids, came the blood from the brain, as her cerebrum n cerebellum leaked out with cells of memory.
BOOM!!! She exploded into pieces. V-Yawn stood up from the piano n went for Velma. They were alright.
Vincent: “Oh no! The potion!” The liquid was dried up by the sunlight, n the bottle was blown away by the wind.
Velma: “The only way now is probably to find Susan Naphthalene. Looks like stopping her is the only way to stop the disease! Let’s move!”
In Minas Air Putih…
Everyone looked with amazed at the 18th floor of Tower of Suicide. Some miles away, Hamyugiliath was captured by Susan’s army. They heard her laughter almost everyday from Gambang. Cuz she had stolen the mosque’s very large n expensive microphone. N of course the Muslims were very angry of her.
Yatasha: “Ham Yu, who’s going to take care of Minas Air Putih? MDZ was gone. He was the mayor of this town.”
Ham Yu laughed: “Of course me. I’m the mayor of Hamyugiliath, n now of course Minas Air Putih is mine.” All the citizens agreed, because Ham Yu promised them they will receive ten salted fish per person after the war.
Ham Yu: “As u said, I’m the mayor. So, u Yatasha, n u Humpty, fetch the red carpet! I’m going to my office. I have very important meetings to make.”
Susan: “Finally, the last stronghold of the people of Tanah Melayu, Minas Air Putih! Tomorrow of course, we will have much fun with them!” N she forced her sidekicks to laughed evilly like her with her big bulging eyes.
Mee Hun Keat: “That’s excellent! Tomorrow, we will fight!” He said n laughed in a very fake way.
Susan: “U, Tuala, u shall be the chief captain of the army! Bring with u my brother, Nemo.”
Tuala said yes. They dint know that someone was spying at them.
BIN! BIN! The guards of the gate looked down. It was the Perodua Kancil! They opened the door.
The citizens were amazed to see such a beautiful car, spilled with blood all around, which of course are their celebrities’ blood!
The quartet V’s came out. They were thrown vegetables n salted fish by the citizens. Many asked: “Where’s my star, Britney?” “Have u seen my hero, Tom Cruise?” “Oh, did u get a signature from my idol, Stephanie?”
Yatasha, Humpty, Oklahoma, Daniel n Y-Tin came out. Daniel: “Heavens! U seem to have killed all our favourite stars!”
Velma: “They were so handsome even though some are headless!” N the citizens laughed evilly. No lah, just screamed with pleasure.
Vivian: “We must see the mayor! Where’s MDZ?”
Yatasha: “Looks like she’s still having fun with ur dad in Pulau Durian!” Oklahoma: “But Ham Yu Fan is our new mayor! Quick! Go to his office!”
O’ Louisa went around to look for Humpty, but no one wanted to tell her.
While Oklahoma n Natalie was strolling around the city. Oklahoma: “U r so beautiful.” Natalie blushed n said softly: “Really? Then u r very handsome.” Both of them smiled together. As Oklahoma pulled out a stupid-looking cotton kopidog to her, Natalie shrilled with excitement n hugged the kopidog nicely.
Oklahoma: “This is from my friend, Yatasha’s.”
Natalie: “Oh really…that’s very nice of ur friend.” N they kissed on the cheek, while Natalie shrilled again annoyingly. But Oklahoma seems not tired of her shrills n they kissed for more.
Vivian n Vincent fidgeted impatiently in the waiting room of Ham Yu’s palace offices.
“Can’t he see us now?” whined Vincent.
The receptionist said: “No, cuties! He’s still in conference!”
Vivian: “Damn u filthy asshole…” Vincent quieted her n said: “My darling. Let’s be patient. N dun u try to by rude!”
The bell on the receptionist’s desk rang, n before she could cover the speaking tube, they heard Ham Yu’s voice: “R they gone yet?”
The receptionist reddened as Vivian n Vincent bolted past her n through the door of Ham Yu’s office. There they found the alive-salted fish with a fat cigar n cursing the Coke on the table.
He screamed: “Can’t u see I’m busy, children? In conference! Very important.”
Vincent: “Not so fast,”
Vivian: “Yeah, fast,” She started to helped herself to the dish of KFC on Ham Yu’s desk.
Ham Yu sighed: “Well well, what can I do for u? Can’t complain. Fortune has smiled upon my goddamn face. Help yourself to my lunch,” as he took out a few more Thai style chicken with drinks. He smiled: “Fresh from the toilet!”
Vincent: “We grow fearful. Rumors run through the city that the fishes were coming tomorrow.”
Ham Yu: “Aiyoyo, that doesn’t matter. I’m powerful. I can stop them!’
Vivian: “Then there is no danger yet?” She gulped down the water fresh from the toilet.
Ham Yu: “Trust me. Salted fish knew many things even when they r alive.”
They were surprised to see thousands of rows of fish armies standing in front of the gate at dawn. Ham Yu was still munching on salted fishes as breakfast.
Y-Tin: “Ohmigoss! That was just great! What a f***ing army Susan had sent!” As he fan himself with a large piece of coconut leaf.
Daniel: “Oh! Oklahoma! Quick, call for Ham Yu, prepare for the defense!”
As Oklahoma raced to the highest level of Tower of Suicide by foot, Vivian n Vincent were already there, with Velma n V-Yawn snatching the plate of breakfast from Ham Yu.
Ham Yu: “Let me finish first, then we’ll fight!”
Velma: “No! It’ll be too late!”
Ham Yu laughed n opened the door. He said arrogantly with the stupid-looking salted fish smile as he went out: “Hundreds of war I have seen n now u r telling me about them! Haha! Silly rabbits! U should go n find the bitch Oracle n…” As he looked down, he saw seas n seas of fishes declaring war at them! He was speechless!
Ham Yu: “Whatta… Oh god! What must we do…” He shouted to all the armies of Minas Air Putih: “Guys! Eat more salted fish! It’s good for ur health n ur strength to fight, with extra calcium n low in fat…”
He was knocked down by V-Yawn’s trumpet. Velma shouted: “Prepare for battle!”
TO BE CONTINUED IN PART B...
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