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"Most people don't have the knowledge they are going to die soon so they aren't able to say goodbyes the way Mom will."
"I know I will miss Mom a whole lot, I know this is the best decision and hope she can have a "good death"."
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Mrs. Becker is my advisor’s Mom.
She is dying.
I spent the past 3 Thanksgiving holidays with her and enjoyed her unique ice-bar chocolate cake very much. Even though I didn’t see or hear from her often except for the holidays, her wisdom words inspired me so much thus I was able to survive the hard time easier while I was suffering from the trials in life last summer.
She revealed that she got the lung cancer couple days after Thanksgiving last year. Because of her positive attitude of accepting the truth and actively following all the recommended medication procedures, my advisor, who was very close to her Mom, wasn’t collapsed and, in stead, accepted everything soon.
However, the pain was growing outragously while the tumor was growing rapidly. My advisor came home last week to celebrate Mrs. Becker's birthday—the last one—and provided daily cares by the way. A few days after the celebration, Mrs. Becker decided to quit.
Quite fighting for living.
** ~ An E-mail from my advisor ~ **
While I was home we learned that Mom's tumor has grown instead of shrunk.
It's maybe 30% larger (and it started out large), and looks awful on the scan (which I saw but she did not). Mom told us yesterday that she is tired of fighting and is ready to go. She has, and rightly so, decided to end her treatments and say her goodbyes to people. It was hard to hear her say it, but her decision is the right one. Her pain is really terrible when it breaks through her medication, and she is getting very weak. When she is medicated she sleeps a lot and frankly does not have much of a life.
It's not a good way to live. I spent the last five days getting her pain meds, caregiving, etc. It was really hard to see her hurting so much.
It turns out Mom knew all along how serious this was but protected my brother and me by not telling us all she knew. As you know, we had hoped she'd kick this but that is clearly not going to happen. I learned some of this from conversations I had with her friends while I was there this last week, and a bit from her. She has had lots of confusion because of meds and side effects of the tumor, but she was lucid yesterday when she revealed this decision and we both respect it. She has been thinking about this for some time and frankly I think she took the opportunity of my coming home plus the bad scan report to act on her inclinations.
We think she is hanging on to see two of her sisters this weekend, and she knows I will see her again too if that is possible. I believe her death is near and we are trying to be ready to travel quickly. We intend to go there so King and my stepson can say their goodbyes in person, and of course I will do the same though I have a bit of closure because of the visit I just made. I don't know how one knows when the time is here but Mom has a nurse living with her (a cousin of one of my cousins) and that is her expectation as well. She is a godsend and we are just thankful that she was available to move in with Mom to ease this along with help from hospice care. I believe Mom will be able to die at home and with us all there.
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I can’t help not to think that she is dying now. This is so odd--you know somebody is going to die but can’t do anything to stop it...
She probably had known that last Thanksgiving dinner would be our last one. She spoke to me in a smooth & cool tone, like she usually was,
"You are such a young, smart, pretty lady. I can see you’ll have a great great life."
That’s her last words to me in person.
I am going to take it very seriously.
I know I won’t ruin my life, since Mrs. Becker is always right.
So long, Mrs. Becker.
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