Dear Lovage,
We're getting a lot of September rain here. Yet I can't seem to get used to this rainy season. I think I had forgotten that rainy seasons are normal in Taiwan.
You're probably not the only one who tends to live in the past. But tell me something, would you go on hurting yourself if you could be sure of his love for you?
Someone sent me an email attached with a nice picture of a girl on her own, head down. The text says: Take care of yourself, okay? Because there's a fool, always worrying about you.
I could imagine myself to be moved and warmed enormously if I were in love with the sender. In the same fashion, I could imagine you feeling assured that you were loved if it had been sent to you by this one person that you want it to be sent by. But I wasn't in love with him, so I didn't feel the enormity of any emotion. If I were to put myself in his shoes, though, what would I think or feel?
I don't know if he loves me. I don't care.
Isn't that terrible?
We seem so righteous in rejecting others when it comes to romantic love. Is it true, that in love and war, all is fair? Thus it's okay to dismiss another's love, just like that. Therefore, also, when someday the dismissed ones are ourselves, we'll just have to swallow the burning fact.
I went to Eslite the other day, looking for that book you mentioned, [Ambiguous Loss], but I didn't have any luck. I know I could have asked the shop assistant to search it out for me, but part of the fun of going to a bookshop, (wouldn't you agree?) is to browse. Well, in the end I walked out with two books that I didn't intend to buy.
Heard that there's another book sale here, and my friend got the book he wanted for 69 NT dollars (would be 250 in the Eslite Bookstore). Feel very tempted, but at the same time afraid that I will be come a book shopper instead of a book reader.
Bless.
love, p
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