Here comes this great man who walks into your life that you can really love with all your heart and share everything together, who is smart, caring, responsible, adorable, but....
divorced with baggage....perhaps worse if he's not even officially divorced.
Two of my closest girlfriends, one dated this French for 2 years and ended up splitting though they still love each other a lot, but he still couldn't give her a word, due to child factor. Even the youngest son is in high school, it's always been a problem there. After all, we weren't born with the holistic ability to everyone else like our own, not to mention someone else's kids.
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I don't know what to say. Here is a part of a conversation i had with a friend this morning. I hope you won't be too upset...
-R
Victoria says:
well.....my advice would be this.....(from personal experience)
Victoria says:
when i was in my last year of college....i seriously considered leaving Tim.....
Victoria says:
we were both in school, broke, and didn't see each other much...only 2 times a year. it was christmas and he was suppose to come over.....but his dad suddenly was diagnosed with colon cancer and had to have surgery right away.
Victoria says:
of course he couldn't come anymore....and this was 2 days before he was suppose to fly over.
Victoria says:
i was deeply disappointed.....and at the egging of my mother, she persuaded me to go to Hmong new year by myself.
Victoria says:
well, i went and i met this guy......he almost seemed perfect....smart (last year of pharmacy school), really good looking, and most of all...Hmong.
Victoria says:
my mom was esstatic. and i really liked him.
Victoria says:
but he was divorced and had a son too.
Victoria says:
i was really torn.
Victoria says:
it seemed like i had every reason to be with him. my parents would certainly be happy.
Victoria says:
but i had to ask myself if i would be able to be a good and fair mother to this child.
Victoria says:
as far as me and him, we are adults and we will accept the consequences of our decisions....but this is just a 2 year old child.....it is unfair to him if i went came into his life (in any form) if i wasn't absolutely positive that i would be accepting of him.
Victoria says:
i think people do shitty stuff to other people all the time, but i just don't believe in hurting children in the process.
Rbrt says:
true
Victoria says:
and i would never ask him to choose. it's not even a choice.
Victoria says:
so i knew what i had to do.
Victoria says:
i couldn't be with him. i wasn't ready for that kind of responsibility. and for that, i decided that i couldn't get invovled with him.....even though i thought i could really love him.
Victoria says:
so i didn't ask him for a decision....the decision was really mine.
Rbrt says:
yes
Victoria says:
and so i think the choice is not yours, but hers.
Victoria says:
if she wants to be with you, she should accept every part of you.....including your son....she should welcome, love, and be fair to him. if she can't do that, then she should have the heart to not get herself involved.
Victoria says:
hard as it may seem, i think that is the right thing to do.
Rbrt says:
you know.. i am not really expecting her to act as his mother
Victoria says:
yes....but she still has to accept that he is a part of you....and welcome him as such. like i said...at least be fair to him.
Rbrt says:
yes
Victoria says:
it's a hard decision.....but it's one that she has to make for herself. and i hope she makes a responsible one. just understand what you are getting yourself into and who could potentially get hurt in the process.
Rbrt says:
yes
Victoria says:
i think that sometimes people have only the best intentions, but still things don't work out and people get hurt. i just couldn't bring myself to take that chance with a little child.
Victoria says:
but people do it all the time...and sometimes it works out great for everyone.
Rbrt says:
hm
Rbrt says:
but what can i do now?
Victoria says:
just ask her to be honest with herself and tell her that the decision is hers. i mean you're not hiding anything from her and you really feel like you can have something really good together....but your son is a part of you and she needs to consider that before she becomes a serious part of your life.
Victoria says:
i'm sure if she's a sensible woman, i'm sure she's thought about that already.
Rbrt says:
hm
Victoria says:
there's really nothing you can do
Rbrt says:
oh well....
Victoria says:
i think if i was more stable and more mature back then, i may have made a different decision......but i was just in college, i couldn't have taken on the responsiblities.
Victoria says:
she's in a very different situation than me.....she may feel differently.
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