Jan 16, 2005
I know it's kinda annoying to say some same shit again ova and ova... but basically it's almost everything to me at the mean time...
I mizz home.
I mizz home more than anyone else on this campus.
I mizz my fdz in 852... yea, the code I'll never forget.
I've become more determined in my mind. I can remember how frequently I called back to Hong Kong when I first came here... and now, it's better.
I've grown up, but I'm still left behind... I'm 21, but I still haven't been ready.
I wanna go back to 10+... the days in KTMC. I won't say those are my good old days, but I mizz those "wild days"... I even mizz the days in the primary school - the happiest days in my life. Juz got nothing to worry about, juz gossiped about who had a crush on each other... yea those good old days... were gone. Forever.
Yea I know I must face the future.
I juz can't let go...
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我改變了很多．．．以前那個我，已逐漸變得模糊．．．只是，我還不是新的我。
最清楚我的可能是Wesley，每次都找他傾談，一起煲煙，真正的放鬆．．．這是珍貴的回憶。他每次也表現得滿不在乎，但亦正因如此，我才能盡情的訴苦．．．當然，有些還是要吞下去。這是我的底線．．．最後的自尊。
我不敢說自己承受了很多，畢竟我不是悲劇小說中的主角。只是，真的遠比你們想像的多。
因為太多的不愉快，我學會了微笑。
是假面具嗎？
或許，這是一個平衡點。沒有的話，按村上春樹的形容，線球必然會打結，螺絲鬆脫，然後「呯！」的一聲，整個人散了。
我的笑容只限於對別人。
當這方法失效時，我只能選擇沈默。或許，是沈默選擇了我。
當你看見這樣的我時，表示我正在思考，正在找回自己。
請勿打擾。
我會討厭你的。
-杰-
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