10-20, 22-2009
Life has been treating me well. Blessings from God are abundant. My heart and soul, however, are still uneasy. Perhaps it's human nature to long for intimate company or mere something lacked in our life; perhaps it's my biological clock ticking aloud; perhaps it's a made-up excuse for getting away from work. The more I try to understand God, the more my efforts result in vain. Last night, while reading 1 Samuel 2 about the high priest's (Eli) two wickes sons, the Bible states “His sons, however, did not listen to their father's rebuke, for it was the Lord's will to put them to death.” I see no trace of human's free will in the story, though God granted us. Even though with confusion, I believe in God.
V and I met up over dinner last night. We will be disciple-making partners for the following 8 weeks. She was 1 yr younger than me, and is currently pregnant with her second coming baby. I am very excited for her. In the meantime, I wonder: when will be my turn? Will I ever have that chance? Last week, we learned from 2 Samuel 6 that David's fear prevented him from God's blessings. I try to ignore my fear and to focus on God's doing and leading. “Don't be afraid, just believe,” Jesus said.
Austin is very Autumn at this time this year. This is actually a little not like Austin. But I guess God would be pleased if we enjoy His blessings rather than grouching the irregularity. For some unknown reason, I keep thinking of Vivaldi's Four Seasons. I recalled Fish had to memorize the sound for her music class in high school. At that time, Autumn was used as the background music in weather report on one of the public channels. It was long time ago. When I was in college, I used Fish's name to leave a request of playing Winter on a music radio station. Perhaps the connection between Four Seasons and my family reminded me of the sweet in the past.
The unease in me comes from my desires and fear; the ease in my soul comes from God's promise. Expecting something in the future is risky, while contentment of the present is joyous. Last night, J asked why God blessed some people b/c of those people's parents, but punished some people b/c of their parents' wrongful doings. My response was that, “It's God's plan. I don't know the criteria, and maybe there is none.” All we can do is to hold on to God's promise and to seek God's guidance. Severe winter may frozen roots of plants, but “far beneath the bitter snow lies a seed that with the Sun's love, in the Spring, becomes rose.” (from the song “Some Say Love”)
Vivaldi's Four Seasons:
Springhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSw7CcAXPWk&feature=related
Summerhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yY2Ugpst9VY&NR=1
Autumnhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tHgtzAJePo&NR=1&feature=fvwp
Winterhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzCXjDuYQTA&feature=related
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