My routine for the past week and a half after that one Sunday afternoon August 28 has been: work, empty-minded, cry, gym, cry, work, drive to the city, cry, sleep with hallucination, and wake up and cry.
August 27 i started the ecstatic final countdown for the hours be4 the plane arrives SFO. I went out party all nite hoping to be able to stay up all nite and morning to greet my beau. Turned out, the arrival had missed my personal greeting at the door by approx. 5 minutes and I liked to think that was the reason for this ending.
First half week i was in denial, cudn’t believe that’s what I had been waiting the past 3 weeks for and just when I was finally ready for a grand new gesture, he certinaly beat me to the punch. Turns out, I was fooled again for the grand test messages of all the false promising implications.
Second half week I started to become realized just how fragile and fickled the big "L" word means to him. I didn’t ask him his answer, nor did i expect him to reciprocate, which apparently i didn’t think he did. He did or did not, it didn’t matter to me anymore as the most cruel gesture he’s finally posed!
Would have been easier if I didn’t believe so much on the past couple months and the messages sent from China. But certainly after uttering the ultimate word with no reciprocation had finally gotten me the closure I needed. Nobody won in this battle, and even tho I did not do wrong, I felt like the biggest loser becuz I fell in love with someone who did not want to be with me. Didn’t have to take me six months to find out!
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