It was half-day preparation for a 3-min catwalk, i started to realize modeling wasn’t an easy profession after all, esp. for someone who’s suffered long-term compulsive eating disorder, it’s just NOT for me.
After the show, I decided to meet up with a couple friends in the city for a drink. I suggested we go to Wish in south market, a small cozy bar where everyone was friendly and drink was fair. I picked up Chris and Vivi and then met up with Joel @ Wish.
It was like a deja vu. Two years ago it was Chris who picked me up @ Joel’s after a heart-wrenching break-up. We had a good time @ Wish, his focus and attention was no longer 100% on me, and i was finally feelin relieved. Though i cudn’t help but wondered, if he was trying to hold back on something, or he’s just become much less affectionate for me, which I honestly wasn’t quite used to it. Yet the tension and attraction were obviously filling up in the air.
The past two times after i saw him and did the unspeakable, I’ve always felt the need for a mental therapy. I told him to his face what i hated about him, and he asked me if I really thought that was a bad idea for what had happened. I nodded with acknowledgment & agreement. I didn’t want to go into that, after he said to me what we’ve done was beyond friendship level. So what? First time he broke up w/me, it was his fault. The 2nd time he broke up with me, it was absolutely my fault, cuz i gave him the chance to do so.
and now we are talkin about going on the 3rd round? Sure he’s gotten more mature, and MORE so self-centered!! I’ve gotten more emotionaly wiser, and more reckless. But two together it is only gonna be combustible, not compatible. Perhaps my Brit beau is meant to be my soulmate, lover, and everything else...only if I could really trust him again!
I got my new haircut and pedicure in Burlingame yesterday as a treat:) I liked them very much. I was very pleased and flattered how nice my Brit beau treated me, it actually has gotten me mixed feelings...um...strange!
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