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2004-04-01 21:42:52| 人氣167| 回應0 | 上一篇 | 下一篇

just "temporary puzzle"

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I just feel a little confused, just “temporary” puzzle,…… ,temporary……





After seeing the movie “girl, interrupted” which my roommate recommended me, I want to write something down, not comment (I don’t have the ability), just something about it.


It’s a film that was adapted from the autobiography novel with the same name. It describes that a girl who has some symptoms that let others regarded she as a patient of mental illness. Her parents sent her to a hospital. (That is to say, she is imprisoned in the hospital.) The whole film describes what she saw in the hospital.


My roommate said that it’s a so horrible film that she cried out of control. After seeing it, I understood. It really such a film, making you tremble and drop tears down, and you can’t stop it.



Some memories are recalled.

A few months ago, I ran into a boy who knows what specialties of mine is, understand what I think and what I say. (But it all only my naive supposal)


One day, I told him that, there was a period of time, during which when I think of the childhood that can never come back, the original goodness of your heart which can’t trace back if your heart has already became greedy, than I can’t help crying, just like a condition.

He said, well……, maybe I will company with you to see a doctor one day. You know, life may vary; we don’t know where our lives do want to lead us.


I say nothing, just with a little anger.

“He doesn't know me.” murmured in my mind.


The summer vacation of my graduating from senior high school, I went to a hospital with a large-scale often because of my serious headache, and receive some examinations in order to diagnose what kind of illness do I have, however, it ended up no consequence. (Maybe the illness is “no one knows”)


I still can remind a perfectly sunny day, in which I also should take an exam of brain wave however. The nurse let me fairly lay on a platform that looks like a white spacecraft and other patients around me are all the old, whose average maybe above sixty.


I may die in the future which is not far away.


During the long summer vacation, I often had a nightmare in the deeply dark night, or suffered from insomnia, kept awake until daybreak, and full of the vision of those old people who all face at me but no expressions in my mind, and it can’t be mopped out.

With the extreme scare, there were also a few days, when I got up and opened my eyes, however, I can see nothing but filling up a lot of white and black squares, which just like what we will see when watching the screen but no TV progress on that time.

But now, I am back (I never say that "I have recovered"), and all things what happened is like a dream that can’t be explain. Nobody can explain, even if someone said that I stress myself too much.

While Descartes say that, “I think, therefore I am”, and I want to say, can you give me a moment not to think anything? Regardless being awake, or in a dream of deep subconscious.

I just think and worry too much, and always look forward to something unrealistic.

Many years ago, there is a mother’s day. Our school gave a paper for each student to let everyone take to home and transfer to their parents to write down something parents want to tell their child.

My father thought a lot of time, and can’t come out anything.
At night, he wrote that down, “if I can’t write anything on the paper, my lovely daughter can not sleep at ease on the bed.”

What is “growing up”?
Just lay something down which has passed, and focus on the things in front of you.
Most important of all, to receive the imperfections you have.

The world is not wonderful, but you should take it!


Ps. appreciating those people who saw the entire article with a great hardship if there is any mistake in grammar or vocabulary.
Why I write in English is that I don’t want to use my mother language, it make me feel better as well as I use “she” to represent “I.” when I tell a tale of myself. It is like playing a role not me. It doesn’t have any attempt to show off. (To show off my poor level of English?)

台長: fiona
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