This is one of those hazy days when I wake up in the afternoon feeling absolutely lifeless and air-headed. Zeenie, a dear friend from the old days in Canterbury whom I am meeting in a few hours time, has just arrived in London from the Middle East and I'd love to see her again. But I'm not feeling the excitement I'm supposed to feel, or I think I feel. Because, I am not excited, I am dismal, despite the cheerful spring weather that is so rare here in London which should really be fully appreciated. Well I cannot conduct my moods. With an absent mind I leave the house an hour early, not knowing exactly where I want to go, but end up in Covent Garden anyway. I thought I'd get a loaf of freshly baked bread from Neal's Yard when I was in the tube. As I walk down Long Acre, I realise that ‘Seattle Coffee Company’ has vanished, and that where it used to be is now replaced by the biggest chained coffee shop from the United States, ‘Star Bucks’. This is much to my dismay, as I prefer the taste of coffee by Seattle Coffee Company at any season, especially iced coffee on a hot Sunday afternoon. But I suppose this is business, as much as it is life.
After a moment of lament for losing a pleasant coffee place in town, I carry on towards the cheese place, passing many summery dressed, fashionable looking individuals in Covent Garden, and the shops on either sides of the street where the garments were purchased. The sun is out, so are tourists and shoppers. People are everywhere, and they all seem pleased. I feel so out of place here, so I try to stay as distant as the narrow space allows from this ensemble of merriment, keeping to my moody self and its empty preoccupation. Soon I am walking with my head drooped down, eyes fixed on the ground as if looking for a coin, and steps rather hesitant, quite like a social outcast who's lost it all. Then I notice that somebody sees me and is coming at my immediate vicinity. It has to be a bloke, judging from the shadow cast on the ground. I think to myself, "please don't hassle me now; I'm in a bad mood and I may take it out on you…" But he walks towards me, it was obvious that he is going to talk to me. Eventually I despairingly look up with an annoyed face, but something rather nice happened.
This chap has on his face a brilliant smile that sweeps away my agitation. Seeing his warm smiling face I can't bring myself to respond to his question with anything less than a friendly reply. "It's not a survey, just one question?” “Okay”, I nodded, grabbed by a sudden gentleness, rid of street-wise scepticism. There is something about his tone of voice that relieves my all stressed up nerves, and when I learn that he is collecting money to subsidise vendors who will be delivering hot food for the homeless in the main train stations in London I fish a pound out of my pocket and give it to him. He says thank you with another wonderful big smile, but I feel I am the one who owes. And my mood is all right now.
I walk down the little alleyways leading to Neal's Yard, pondering on the idea that there is no sacrifice, or true altruism. I recall what the lecturer on social psychology said about helping people in arguing this point, “If nothing else, you feel good.” What I'm feeling now, though, is hardly due to helping people. As far as I'm concerned, he is the helper and it's amazing to come to realise that. I have been a self-confessed cynic as well as an unabashed sceptic, but this brief encounter with a total stranger turns me into some sentimental mushy sort. Not for long, but quite enough for the day. I now feel truly excited to meet Zeenie and catch up with all the gossips we've been missing in ages. Funnily enough I also just begin to notice that spring has showed up in London.
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